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The worst bot on Discord
B.F. Jones Bot
This Discord bot was developed for use exclusively on my personal discord server. Named after the indomitable steel titan, B.F. Jones, it shares none of his qualities; success, consistency, and robustness will not be found anywhere in this project. Instead, you may expect an overtly hostile experience that hardly manages to achieve the advertised functionality.
1,820+
lines of code. May this one be the last.
45
commands. Most of them work.
100%
uptime, 60% of the time
Our most popular features
/ insult
Generates a random insult based on a creatively curated dictionary of unkind words.
/ copypasta
Produces message threads that were archived for their comedic value.
/ eval
Evaluates raw JavaScript code on the server. Completely vulnerable to injection.
/ announcements
Displays weather, news, birthdays, and algorithmically generated quotes.
/ nsfw
Has a high chance to send a copy of The Bible. Has a low chance to send something else.
/ pfp
Returns the image file for whatever user is pinged. @everone does work...
/ randomImage
Produces a randomly selected image from an archive of server-relevant photographs.
/ sniff
Displays information for a tagged user such as Discord ID or messages sent.
/ Logging
Logs all messages sent in the server for future use. Perhaps a Neural Network?
The Squad
Disclaimer: I have no control over the usernames and profile pictures of the users on these servers. I have done my best to ensure that the images and usernames are appropriate, but I cannot guarantee that they are.
smoke3785
29.2% of messages on the server
broadcastingdutchman
 ⊗
11.9% of messages on the server
luckyduck4life
10.7% of messages on the server
doomguyprostateexam
8.42% of messages on the server
biological404
5.94% of messages on the server
all_powerful_pluuts
5.17% of messages on the server
youripadress
4.87% of messages on the server
bolt616
4.05% of messages on the server
spookysnacc
3.14% of messages on the server
ashlegfoulke
2.68% of messages on the server
annykiss
2.64% of messages on the server
sherlockdomes1510
1.97% of messages on the server
terminallyillhoe
1.49% of messages on the server
throin_
1.23% of messages on the server
rufusthatdoofus
0.64% of messages on the server
river8346
0.13% of messages on the server
Some Statistics
181,250
messages sent overall.
Grimp
is the most frequently used made up word.
Smoke
has sent the most messages overall.
9%
of messages are in #politics.
8
users banned for being naughty.
1
partridge in a pear tree.
Technical
The BF Jones bot is running on Node.js with a Sequelize database for storage. Due to the fact that B.F. Jones is intended for use exclusively on my private server, it doesn't currently support sharding. It is deployed to a physical server box in my house, as Discord.js doesn't require the server to be open to the internet. The bot features morning announcements tailored to user's birthdays and localities. This is done using a series of APIs - one for news, one for weather, and one for holidays. User's personal information (such as birthdays) are stored in the SQL database. The server collects all messages sent, which allows for features such as algorithmic message generations. This attempts to emulate a user's style of speech by training a Markov Chain based on their previous messages. The server filters out images, links, and (most) emojis, as not to clutter the model.
I intend to continue to add features, but it unlikely that this bot will ever become public. Many of the features are hard-coded for use by a specific group of people, and sharding would impossible without a massive overhaul. Furthermore, I'm not sure about the legality of using and distributing B.F. Jones' name and image for a personal project.