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The worst bot on Discord

B.F. Jones Bot

This Discord bot was developed for use exclusively on my personal discord server. Named after the indomitable steel titan, B.F. Jones, it shares none of his qualities; success, consistency, and robustness will not be found anywhere in this project. Instead, you may expect an overtly hostile experience that hardly manages to achieve the advertised functionality.

1,820+

lines of code. May this one be the last.

45

commands. Most of them work.

64%

uptime, so long as I turn on the router.

Our most popular features

insult

Generates a random insult based on a creatively curated dictionary of unkind words.

bitching

Produces message threads that were archived for their comedic value.

eval

Evaluates raw JavaScript code on the server. Completely vulnerable to injection.

Morning Announcements

Displays weather, news, birthdays, and algorithmically generated quotes.

nsfw

Has a high chance to send a copy of The Bible. Has a low chance to send something else.

pfp

Returns the image file for whatever user is pinged. @everone does work...

randomImage

Produces a randomly selected image from an archive of server-relevant photographs.

sniff

Displays information for a tagged user such as Discord ID or messages sent.

Logging

Logs all messages sent in the server for future use. Perhaps a Neural Network?

The Squad

B.F. Jones and his squad.

Smoke3785

14.9% of messages on the server

LuckyDuck4Life

9.97% of messages on the server

Broadcasting Dutchman

 ⊗

7.96% of messages on the server

Biological 404

5.73% of messages on the server

Bag

5.07% of messages on the server

:sawcon:

4.75% of messages on the server

Portalstorm4000

4.24% of messages on the server

Yurich

3.18% of messages on the server

Bolt616

2.61% of messages on the server

разговорилась гусеничных

2.47% of messages on the server

AshlegFoulke

2.23% of messages on the server

Anarkyst

1.60% of messages on the server

RocketMan

1.16% of messages on the server

Nxluck

1.08% of messages on the server

Ava

0.92% of messages on the server

RufusTheDufus

0.45% of messages on the server

RiverPuppies118

0.06% of messages on the server

Some Statistics

103,715+

messages sent overall.

Grimp

is the most frequently used made up word.

Smoke

has sent the most messages overall.

9%

of messages are in #politics.

8

users banned for being naughty.

1

partridge in a pear tree.

Technical

The BF Jones bot is running on Node.js with a Sequelize database for storage. Due to the fact that B.F. Jones is intended for use exclusively on my private server, it doesn't currently support sharding. It is deployed to a physical server box in my house, as Discord.js doesn't require the server to be open to the internet. The bot features morning announcements tailored to user's birthdays and localities. This is done using a series of APIs - one for news, one for weather, and one for holidays. User's personal information (such as birthdays) are stored in the SQL database. The server collects all messages sent, which allows for features such as algorithmic message generations. This attempts to emulate a user's style of speech by training a Markov Chain based on their previous messages. The server filters out images, links, and (most) emojis, as not to clutter the model.


I intend to continue to add features, but it unlikely that this bot will ever become public. Many of the features are hard-coded for use by a specific group of people, and sharding would impossible without a massive overhaul. Furthermore, I'm not sure about the legality of using and distributing B.F. Jones' name and image for a personal project.